Alive with the glory of....

Ive got the Midas touch, but only when we hold hands.
Whenever you let go, I turn to brass.
Ive got more patience then a hospital for you,
Your pinocchio nose has got me in the ICU.
Your magic carpet ways has you sweeping the rug from under me.
I should trust you less but your eyes make me weak.
I can stand being invisible but i cant stand worthy of your pedestal.
Im waiting for the other shoe to drop and tap dance on my chest.
You are too good to be the best.
I dont want this fairytale to end, my pumpkin guts are spilled to the floor.
Im yours...

Dear Dorothy...

You're stuck in your own Emerald City, where the yellow brick road winds you in circles while you try to find a home for your heart. You think its a beautiful and majestic place, where second chances matter, and oh how it makes me so sad that you don't realize... its just a dream. The tin man you keep running back to is nothing but rust...and never had a heart at all. Its a coin toss trying to decipher if youre the scarecrow, or the cowardly lion. Do you lack the courage or the brains? Click your ruby shoes 3 times and wish for it to work....but don't expect me to pick up the pieces when he lands a house on you.

Sincerely,
The Lollipop Guild

I am Jack's mental anguish....

And my desultory words are all I have left to give. I am plagued with indolence so forgive me if you think I've abandoned this journal. I know its been awhile, so lets see if my fingertips can still kiss the keys in all the right places.
My thoughts are so recondite that even I can't understand them. But a mental mind fuck isn't the only action coming my way...and with action usually comes drama.
My heart has since become that comfortable stain in your carpet that you no longer feel guilty for walking on. I seem to have lambs blood smeared across my face, for when it comes to guys I get passed over. Make a list of everything you'd want in a girl....I govern it. Make a list of your possible love interests....my name will never reach the tip of a ballpoint pen. But how many times am I going to cover that same kink in my chain?....until I break it. Moving on.....the stench of my failures in love in no way compare to the declivity in my finacial situation. Growing up has never hurt so much. My eyes lament just as much as my pockets. Job hunting has reminded me of how small minds still rule the world with an iron fist, and I am getting the hardest blows. Pride and self-perservation has shackled me to a wall of limitations. Do I keep to my prison, or do I give in and sell myself out?
I am Jack's vacillation......

Prince never heard such doves cry

I saved the day, put the bad in my back pocket so you could be ok.
Now I'm too weighed down with problems to clear away my own.
Knights are named so because they're in the dark and alone.
There's always a price to pay for those that care.
I am heavy hearted with wide-eyed tears.
I'll send the one from my right eye for the good times,
one from my left eye for the bad...
have them meet at my lips to kiss you goodbye.
I can't break my back again with all these heavy breathes you make me take
There's a star in the sky for every problem i ever had.
Have them be your (k)night tonight.
Maybe then you'll see that even the brightest things endure tragedy.
Where is this hero's hero? Who's going to hold my helping hands?
When can this saver feel safe again...

my DA is D.O.A.

guilty conscience with innocent pleads,
put love on the witness stand.
love is blind so what could it see?
you can put that bible to my hand,
what has faith ever done for me?
a jury of my peers just as jaded as I
you would think they'd show sympathy.
in the case of loving you VS hating me
the verdict is we find the defendant guilty.
the evidence aside...the sentence belied,
the convicted was actually victimized.
capital punshiment for those in love.
community service for those in lust.
so it's the maiden for this maiden after a trip to the gallows
hanging my head low with the knot to the back of my throat.
i'm cut loose from the noose just to land at the guillotine.
cut off my heart to spite my head and pin it to my sleeve,
with a note attached that reads:
"Loving you will be the death of me."

the pain is real, but so are the pills

my words are cold from neglect. i havent been able to touch upon this since i lost...i lost..i lost breath looking for the right way to end this sentence. its getting harder for me to decipher whats "asleep" and whats "awake"....i've seen nothing but the backs of my eyelids for the past 20 years. life looks better with my eyes closed. everyday im feel more like mistake. no one is like this. too dead inside to go on, too alive with hope to give it all up. having the dream and the determination but not enough of the talent to implement the objective. like a pianist full of symphonies but no fingers to actuate the keys. i feel like im forever behind the door with no key, always peering through the keyhole with hopeful eyes. the one you cross your fingers for, the motivation speech but never the mvp player. the if, almost, close, nearly....and all the excitement that comes before the big let down....discontent. the only good i ever do is make you realize whats already inside you. but what has it ever done for me? im the truth...but everything in my life feels like a lie. open your eyes, we're all blind. moments are passing and soon you will too. and what will they think of you?

for your sake i hope heaven and hell are really there...but i wouldnt hold my breath

im a prisoner to these weeks.
no time to take it all in
assess the situation and
then dive in.
i welcome october with open arms.
i can look forward to big cities with bright lights
boys two by two, with harmony and melodies
as beautiful as their glittering eyes.
and then i can unzip my skin and take it off
be someone else for just one day.
let the demon inside personify its self
in these sheeps clothes.
but until then i have to chase down the train of
my life and try to grab ahold.
...im bound to dislocate something...

and Jack,
hold your head high heavy heart.