from the observation deck

i was spacing out while looking at a pot of boiling water, and as the bubbles shot to the surface, i got a subconscious urge to stick my hand in it. kind of like when you're on top of a tall building and you look over the side...apart of your body gets the quick urge to jump. ever realize the most beautiful moments you have in life are the ones that come right after you've been drained of all your good spirits? its like your body and mind crave the pain as to remind what makes the good parts so great. without it everything would be neutral...but neutral is bland. life would be bland without the sorrow and the torture and anything that causes a rift in our happy patterns we try so hard to sow together. im not saying that i want all this. nobody likes feeling terrible. well, not entirely. but i do believe its necessary. reminds to appreciate what we have...and give us something to work for.

the dream and the factory

"how's life?" its a dream, let me sleep on it. and i did. i woke up and have done nothing but spiral down in a world that feels no more awake than the next. that today which turned into tomorrow was purely oil and water. completely separate from each other, hince the disconnected and insoluble feeling i have. somehow its changed me, before everything would affect me, i was normal in a sense. but now i barely feel human. somehow ive perfected the art of rejuvination. i swallow venom and spit the antedote. i swim in lies but breathe the truth. i speak my secrets and save my worthless conversation. a bottle of "im sorry"s for the apologies i never have to make. what goes in rusted comes out gold. im inebriated with decadence, and i sweat out vivacity. everything conveyed its not what lies inside. the rott stays, the rust stays, the venom eats away at the lies and the worthless conversation is constantly speaking in tongues to the bottles spilled over with repent. a complete nightmare. a total opposite of what i want to be. as if i have no friends at all, even death wont return my calls...and all the failed attempts to "dial and get through" were proof. why cant i wake up from this? i have a nocturnal lifestyle, much like a vampire, but in no way am i hiding from the sun...just maybe wishful thinking that i can find my way back into my body so i can wake up where i left off.
none of this is real.....not even how i feel

and if the elevator tries to break you down...go crazy.

we must look like giants to those who feel so small. well know that i too fe fi fo fumble throughout life. people look to me for advice, as if i have it all together. if only they knew. no one is 100%, we cant get it right all the time. maybe i can give you words that crash, collide with your emotions to strike the right chord so you view something through new eyes...but know that i wander with mine closed. and my mind isnt 20/20 and crystal clear..but 7/11~ always open. everyone likes to think that we're rare and special, a dime in a pocket full of pennies...when really we're common copper. we're all going to fuck up. yes, try to be the true and best you that you want to be. yes, try to live up to your own expectations. but when your colors slip outside the lines, dont rip up your picture..it isnt over kid....its not ruined. just maybe, re-outline it abit and know not to be too careless around your boundaries. keep forked tongues behind your teeth and loose fingers inside your pockets the best that you can...but dont subside inside yourself and die inside for your own sins, we have charlton heston movies for that.