im a prisoner to these weeks.
no time to take it all in
assess the situation and
then dive in.
i welcome october with open arms.
i can look forward to big cities with bright lights
boys two by two, with harmony and melodies
as beautiful as their glittering eyes.
and then i can unzip my skin and take it off
be someone else for just one day.
let the demon inside personify its self
in these sheeps clothes.
but until then i have to chase down the train of
my life and try to grab ahold.
...im bound to dislocate something...
and Jack,
hold your head high heavy heart.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
there are no more monsters...
this isnt going to be beautiful. i feel like i have nothing beautiful left in me. the bright brandi light, that glow that everyone knows feels burned out. i have to spill this out.
i knew you werent ok. you couldnt walk, i could see pain in your face. on a face that isnt supposed to show pain. you cried so loud and there was nothing i could do.
you laid down and i try to console you, even though i was a mess.
i tried i tried i tried to fix you. and when your heart stopped, mine stopped too. i couldnt leave you. i couldnt let them take you from me. i thought for a second i felt you purr, but it was just my hand trembling. i dont remember crying, i couldnt feel anything. but i hear such loud crying. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i was supposed to take you with me when i left this place. our journey together wasnt through. i dont want you to be in a better place. im selfish an i want you here with me. it wasnt time. i wasnt ready. what am i suppose to do?
i thought if i wanted and wished it bad enough it would keep you here.
but my love couldnt save you...
please wake up now
im sorry
tears stream down my face cause i lost something i cant replace.
you wont be apart of my routine any longer. i cant hold you. i will never feel you tap on my arm again. no longer can i wiggle my fingers and find you underneath them. no more chasing me. no more fluffly tails to show how bold you are. no more rubbing the scar on your nose...knowing that could have been the day i lost you.
but you will always be with me.
goodbye monster.
♥
i knew you werent ok. you couldnt walk, i could see pain in your face. on a face that isnt supposed to show pain. you cried so loud and there was nothing i could do.
you laid down and i try to console you, even though i was a mess.
i tried i tried i tried to fix you. and when your heart stopped, mine stopped too. i couldnt leave you. i couldnt let them take you from me. i thought for a second i felt you purr, but it was just my hand trembling. i dont remember crying, i couldnt feel anything. but i hear such loud crying. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i was supposed to take you with me when i left this place. our journey together wasnt through. i dont want you to be in a better place. im selfish an i want you here with me. it wasnt time. i wasnt ready. what am i suppose to do?
i thought if i wanted and wished it bad enough it would keep you here.
but my love couldnt save you...
please wake up now
im sorry
tears stream down my face cause i lost something i cant replace.
you wont be apart of my routine any longer. i cant hold you. i will never feel you tap on my arm again. no longer can i wiggle my fingers and find you underneath them. no more chasing me. no more fluffly tails to show how bold you are. no more rubbing the scar on your nose...knowing that could have been the day i lost you.
but you will always be with me.
goodbye monster.
♥
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