the pain is real, but so are the pills

my words are cold from neglect. i havent been able to touch upon this since i lost...i lost..i lost breath looking for the right way to end this sentence. its getting harder for me to decipher whats "asleep" and whats "awake"....i've seen nothing but the backs of my eyelids for the past 20 years. life looks better with my eyes closed. everyday im feel more like mistake. no one is like this. too dead inside to go on, too alive with hope to give it all up. having the dream and the determination but not enough of the talent to implement the objective. like a pianist full of symphonies but no fingers to actuate the keys. i feel like im forever behind the door with no key, always peering through the keyhole with hopeful eyes. the one you cross your fingers for, the motivation speech but never the mvp player. the if, almost, close, nearly....and all the excitement that comes before the big let down....discontent. the only good i ever do is make you realize whats already inside you. but what has it ever done for me? im the truth...but everything in my life feels like a lie. open your eyes, we're all blind. moments are passing and soon you will too. and what will they think of you?