I am Jack's mental anguish....

And my desultory words are all I have left to give. I am plagued with indolence so forgive me if you think I've abandoned this journal. I know its been awhile, so lets see if my fingertips can still kiss the keys in all the right places.
My thoughts are so recondite that even I can't understand them. But a mental mind fuck isn't the only action coming my way...and with action usually comes drama.
My heart has since become that comfortable stain in your carpet that you no longer feel guilty for walking on. I seem to have lambs blood smeared across my face, for when it comes to guys I get passed over. Make a list of everything you'd want in a girl....I govern it. Make a list of your possible love interests....my name will never reach the tip of a ballpoint pen. But how many times am I going to cover that same kink in my chain?....until I break it. Moving on.....the stench of my failures in love in no way compare to the declivity in my finacial situation. Growing up has never hurt so much. My eyes lament just as much as my pockets. Job hunting has reminded me of how small minds still rule the world with an iron fist, and I am getting the hardest blows. Pride and self-perservation has shackled me to a wall of limitations. Do I keep to my prison, or do I give in and sell myself out?
I am Jack's vacillation......